I try stay true to myself. But that self is ever-evolving. I’m constantly changing, transforming. I always think of myself as a being that blooms but I also go through the cycle… I bloom, wilt, rot and start over. And I’m okay with that. In fact, I love that I go through this because each time I start over, I have more love to give, more forgiveness, more wisdom. I discover parts of myself I never even knew existed. It’s a journey, an adventure.
This set was shot back in 2017, before I even became remotely successful in my career. This was before I even got the Marketing job that fueled my passion and taught me so much (Silverton Casino, that’s you). This was before I even knew what it was like to truly love myself and prioritize myself. I looked happy, I looked radiant in these photos, but inside I was not.
At that time, it was so hard for me to even look at myself in the mirror. I couldn’t forgive myself for my past failures in my career and relationships. I couldn’t get over what I went through and just accept that I had to work through things on my own. I expected others to help me, and there’s nothing wrong with asking for help but I was way too dependent. Instead, I should have reflected within myself and fixed my issues earlier on.
I was struggling so hard with my insecurities. I was weak-minded, weak-willed, had no backbone. I was so dependent on my friends and family to make me feel validated—to make me feel like I even existed. I was self-destructive. And depressed…
I kept looking back at what could have happened had I just made different decisions in life. But that’s life. You just have to learn to let go. And that’s exactly what I did. I learned how to let go. To let go of past failures and to turn them into learning experiences. To let go of past love, and know that they will always have a place in my heart but we just weren’t right for each other. To accept that I am imperfect and that’s what makes me human and unique. To tell myself every day that I can achieve my dreams.
Fast forward to today. I’m a very different person from the girl in these photos. I’ve achieved a level of success in my career that I’m proud of. I learned how to love myself and to set my limits. I protect my “no”. I know when something is worth my time, energy, and effort. I know what I really want and need in my life. I give myself permission to glow and bloom daily. I forgive myself and others. I am more open and vulnerable. I have much more love to give. I am truly happy.
To my past self: thank you for going through everything you had to go through. I’m stronger and wiser because of you. I met incredible friends who add so much value to my life because of you. I’m becoming the person I dreamed of being because of you. Here’s to practicing more self-love, babygirl. You’re almost there.