“It’s amazing. All the days I’m facing nothing seems to faze me ’cause I’m confidently lost.”
This line taken from Sabrina Claudio’s song Confidently Lost defines me right now. It defines how I move past adversity and how I’ve been handling this hard break-up. It wasn’t just any break-up. He and I literally planned out our whole lives together, but all good things come to an end. I’m not denying the fact that it’s tough to get over something like this, but it’s not tough for me for the same reasons as one would usually think of.
It’s tough for me because I allowed someone to control me for so long. I allowed the manipulation, the betrayal, the deceit. I allowed him to take away my individuality. Even my friends thought it very strange for Danielle to be so very obedient and submissive all of a sudden. I’m more so disappointed in myself. I wake up in the morning already critical of myself.
And that’s the problem. I’m so hard on myself because I’m afraid of making the same mistakes again. I don’t want to be unhappy again. I don’t want to be with someone like that again. I don’t want to be heartbroken again. Those are the thoughts running through my mind all day.
But regardless of what I have to go through, what I have to feel, what I have to experience to find myself again, I am confident that I’ll come out a better person, a more fun and creative person. A person with a brighter smile and contagious cheerfulness. A person who is more inspired to live life and just be happy.
“I’m alone but I’m not lonely
Comfortably indulging, in trying to get to know me
I’m just an outline of what I used to be