Musings: Mindset.

I never thought so much could happen in the span of two weeks. From losing in love, reconnecting with old friends, to finally pursuing my dreams and getting my career on the road. I finally took a step back and reevaluated what it was I really needed in my life. Gone are the days when I’d follow my wants and do what my heart dictates; I can’t keep living like this. Now, it’s time to think for myself and simply do what is in my best interest. 

I’m a lover, a relationship type of person.
However, I’m not in a hurry or rush to create it.
In the meantime, I’ll be over here in my lane focusing on my health,
advancing my career, and the pursuit of happiness.
I want to make sure that when I meet a match
they know I’m working to become the best me.
This mindset has to attract a soul who is also working on them.
This is my lane.

I’m a lover, but my experiences these past two weeks have caused me to be a bit detached from it all. When I love, I give it my all, and that’s where the problems start. I’m too vulnerable, too giving, too nice. But I also have the self-respect and dignity to know when I’m being mistreated and when to call it quits.

Here’s my honest opinion: dating is exhausting. Having to always please someone other than yourself—I’ve been down this familiar road before and it drains you in all aspects. There’s always so much pressure to please.

Recently, I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster with a love that I took a chance on, all for nothing. Miscommunication, expectations, and future plans that never came to fruition because he was impatient with me. He simply couldn’t wait for the relationship to take its natural course. Why the rush? Why the need to control every situation? Why couldn’t you simply trust me?

I was young and I was foolish
Giving up my heart so easy
To someone who didn’t love me like I do

You still cross my mind now and then. The days we didn’t communicate, you ran through my mind all the time. I kept coming back to our dates, our memories, our photos, racking my brain for what might have gone wrong. You never confronted me. You never gave me that closure, and even now, you’re running away. What happened? 

Even though we only dated for a couple months, I’m still glad I got to know you. You made it clear to me what it was that I really needed to do.

I need to work on me and focus on my goals and aspirations to be the best version of myself.
I’m pursuing happiness on my own terms. 

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